i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
