The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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