Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
