Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
