yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
