this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
