We won't sleep together?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
