How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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