Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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