Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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