I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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