i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
