I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
