I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
