You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
