I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
