This is not my ceiling
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
