i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
