my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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