So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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