i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
