Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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