Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
