Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
