I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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