So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
