So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
