So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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