somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
