did you get engaged???
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
