happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am one with the molecules
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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