I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
