Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
