Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
