I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
