we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
