Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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