I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
