If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
