i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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