btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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