turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
