i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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