everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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