you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
