My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
