you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
