Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
