I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
