just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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