you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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