I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
