on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
