you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
