I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
