Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it was like eating out sand paper
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
