hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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